Life on Pause: Pleasing others ….and trying to find my own happiness

Posted: August 30, 2015 in Inspirational Writings, Life on pause
Tags: , , ,

PAUSE

So I have to admit, I have been a “people pleaser” for the majority of my life. I’ve played it safe, and always have done what I believed is right. I made sure what I was doing, was right in the eyes of everyone else too. It takes a lot for me to admit that. I do worry about my actions affecting others- I worry about the things I say-and what others will think or say back…. I worry about the things I do… and how it will affect everyone else in the long run. I’ve been thinking about everyone else instead of my own happiness for so long…

I’ve always wanted to make sure that I wasn’t breaking any rules and that what I did, looked good in the eyes of public. It isn’t easy being a people pleaser. In fact, in makes your life quite miserable sometimes. I often wonder when I am just going to be selfless for once – and do what I want to do. But for me-that is easier said that done.

I want to reach complete happiness in a terrible way, but I feel like I have been holding myself back, just to make sure that “i look good.” And with the direction my life has been going lately, I worry more than ever, how others see me…

As I posted before, there has been quite an overhaul in my life, and my path took a completely different direction. But all in all, I still like to think it was for the best…My close friends and family will tell me this….

Lately, I’ve made some other decisions regarding my own happiness. For once, I made a decision on my own, without regards of thinking of others, without looking for others acceptance. And I feel like since then, it seems like others have made judgement, That is very tough for me deal  with sometimes. I do care very much about my family and my friends enough not to disregard them in any way.

As for life goals-when it comes to careers and such- I still do what I want. I’ve always wanted to be a writer and help others- and that I have been doing. I enjoy helping others. In that aspect-I have made those decisions on my own without worrying what others think.

I do want most to know that I still have my morals intact- no matter what everything may look like on the outside.  I might have changed my path, but I did not change the person that I was. I am still the same person who cares very much for my friends and family, and my moral beliefs.

I do know that change can be very hard to accept. I have been through a lot of changes myself, but I have been adjusting in every way that I can. It hasn’t been simple for me.

Lately, I have decided to take more time for myself and to try reaching out in life by myself, without having to seek advice in every direction that I step… People keep telling me I need to realize that this is my life, and I need to make sure that I am happy…. They say I am spending way too much energy trying to make others happy….Perhaps they are right to some aspect… Because I do worry a lot what others think of me….

I would like to think that I am a kind compassionate person with a big heart. I’ve never been out to be malicious or intentionally hurt anybody… I am just trying to figure out life, and what exactly I want out of it…. Life is always changing and there are so many lessons to learn…. It can be difficult to learn those lessons, when people are telling you what they think or where you should be headed….

I have appreciated all advice given to me…. But what I have always feared was judgement….

All I ask is that I still be loved for who I am, and what I stand for…and to be there when I ask for a hand…. I’ve got to learn to stop trying to please others, and for once, somehow…try to find my own happiness…while I still fight the battle to realize-that isn’t selfish of me to do….

Follow Ariana R. Cherry, author, on Facebook to see her recent posts, writings and published collections…

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