Life on Pause: Sometimes, chocolate doesn’t cover it.


Life can be hard. We can feel like we are floating in the air, and the next time, it’s like something comes and knocks that air right out of us… And then you reach for that chocolate happiness–and that…isn’t even enough.

I can’t lie… This time of year has started to become hard for me for awhile. There are just all kinds of memories from the past that always come back once November strikes… Some come from childhood, and some come- well within the past year too…

It has been a whirlwind of a year. This time last year, my life hadn’t come completely unraveled yet- but it was darn near close. I never would have thought that I was sitting at this spot – exactly a year ago. I sometimes wonder… “what the hell happened?”

Not everything that happened was awful, but my life has went through so many changes, even I, find it hard trying to keep up. While I didn’t change zip codes, I did change households, changed jobs, made a few new friends – lost some old ones and even got some new pets….. I made changes emotionally and mentally (although – some may say that is almost the same thing)… But there is some difference.

It was around the holidays when I made the first change- and I didn’t intend for it to happen that way-  but it did. It all stemmed from one horrible evening- where I just made the decision- and stuck with it…. And even though our lives weren’t completely in bliss – I spent my last Christmas in that household last year……and this year – is my first Christmas… on my own. I can’t sing that “It’s the most wonderful time of year,” when I see Christmas becoming commercialized, when I see people struggling to find work and when I am trying to forget the sadness of the previous year. This year, all I want for Christmas is some faith and hope – because chocolate this year, just won’t cure it….

Maybe as each year goes by, it will get easier? …. I still get sad when I see families together, but I need to learn a new definition of family… and what that word does mean to me…. Families are made up of all sorts of units.

So as the end of this year closes, I’ll start fresh once again next year, and keep living this life, trodding down this path and find out – what exactly I was meant to do in this world… Because I know there’s much more out there…. and much more chocolate, left to eat.

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