You could say that I have been exploring and curious about religion for my entire life- almost 35 years. When I was a child, I participated in various Vacation Bible School events and Sunday schools. I attended church camp for a few years when I was in high school too.My church sent me to a few youth gatherings as well – perhaps weekend Christian youth rallies you could call them. One of my favorites was listening to a black minister from Alabama- he had energy and spunk for sure and knew how to get a crowd excited – By the time he was finished- you were inspired and really thought you could do something. I thoroughly enjoyed attending all of those… They gave me a positive outlook on being a Christian… I was baptized at 15 years old, and was pretty sure at the time, I was comfortable with religion. I knew that Jesus had died on the cross for us.. to save all of us from our sins, and I knew how great his love was….
As I grew older, I got curious about other religions and spirituality. For a short time, I researched some of the aspects of New Age. I checked out many different books from my local library – I am sure the librarians probably wondered if I was indeed mixed up… I even checked out a book about witchcraft–but something inside made me feel guilty- and I took it back fairly quickly.
While I have attended traditional services for quite some time- I just find it isn’t quite doing it anymore. I found myself getting bored with the same types of sermons with a monotone voice…. I wanted someone to get excited without actually yelling- I wanted to be made to think… I also wanted to be inspired. When I got bored, I began researching other aspects of spirituality again. I’ve read Joel Osteen, James Van Praagh and Theresa Caputo.
I question one thing every day- Why am I here? What is my mission? What does God want me to do?.. What happens once I am finished with this journey? What next? The afterlife is one thing that catches my curiousity quite often…. James Van Praagh often states that this life on Earth is a classroom where we learn… I’ve also been taught that I am also here to serve God… So I am here to serve Him while learning? ..
I’ve gone to the Bible searching for answers… I’ve been taught most of my life that the Bible is the ultimate word. I still have yet to read every book in the Bible… I am working on it…But as I grow older, I keep hearing how there are other missing books from the Bible or how it doesn’t necessarily tell every detail of the stories- it has left out other important various details…It sometimes gets to a point, that I question my beliefs… But I do know one thing for sure – I know that God loves me…
I am participating in a Bible Study at a local church and we are covering the Old Testament. I’ve already asked questions about things I’ve always wondered… Like – if Adam and Eve weren’t supposed to eat the fruit from the tree- then why did he put it there in the first place? Was he already testing his creations? To see if they would obey him?
When God wiped out the Earth with the Great Flood, what happened to all of those people he thought were evil? Were they condemed? DId God in fact, lose faith in humanity? I always thought God didn’t judge? He tells us not to judge… Were all of those people-who were wiped out-Forgiven? Did God forgive them for their sins?
I question several things about the Bible…about God… but yet, I am told that is just the way things are- and I should accept it…. What if I don’t want to accept it? What if I believe in something so much more? I know there has to be more than just the stories we have been presented with…
I’ve had glimmers of other things- I’ve been provided with knowledge of some scenerios that I wouldn’t dare share with someone unless they were very close to me and wouldn’t send me to a psych ward… In my heart- I know there’s a God and that Jesus is the son of God. I know he loves me unwillingly. That I am sure of….
But as for this life- It is so much more than what we can learn inside a church… There is nothing wrong with attending church- In fact, I enjoy going to services – but- this universe still has so many unanswered questions… And I am determined to find some of those answers- whether it be through research or my own meditations….I’ve been told that we may have to wait for those answers…on our own judgement day—But why prolong that ?…When we can learn so much that could perhaps- make this world…a better place?