Life on Pause: Testing Your Faith: How Much is too much?

Posted: February 11, 2016 in Life on pause, Web Content
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As I closed a door on a hurtful past, I always would have one thing on my mind… What would God say in my situation? Did he believe that I was doing the right thing? As Christians, we are taught to love one another, be forgiving and help others trust,  learn and grow closer to God…. But sometimes, the trials just seem to be too much – or if they are too much- then – are you giving up? Are you giving up on God if you decide to close that door?

Our faith is questioned almost every day. I know I questioned mine for at least a year – and sometimes I still do, after I separated myself from a situation that was hurting me emotionally. After being called names, being yelled at, pushed a couple times,  not being appreciated and living under a controlling household, I was about to lose myself…

I faithfully lived in the situation for almost 14 years… I kept waiting for things to get better. I prayed for guidance. I asked for God to intervene…. Things progressively got worse. No matter how much I turned to God, my situation wasn’t getting any better… My spirit was failing and I had to get out before my heart would break into a million pieces…

When you are a Christian, leaving a marriage brings you so many questions. As a Christian woman – it makes it even tougher. You are taught to “stick it out,” and to wait for God to change them… But before God can change someone- they have to want to change too… God does perform miracles, but he can’t perform a miracle on someone who tries to resist him…

In a forum that I am a part of, there was a good article –

“When a Christian Meets a Sociopath:

The article discusses the struggles that Christians go through when they are dealing with abusive relationships- It is a great article and an informative read… It also can help relieve some of that stress that you may be dealing with if you find yourself in such a situation…

While I have separated myselsf from my own personal situation, I still pray for him. I pray that one day, he will release his anger, and find peace. I pray for him because I want my daughter to have a great father… And I pray for him, because it is sad to see someone so angry… I do know that years ago, he wasn’t so angry- he had joy and used to laugh… I just don’t know where that person went… But the personality he has today is toxic to me – and my spirit…

Since I have left, I have found it easier to return back to my spiritual path… I don’t feel useless, unhappy or “stuck” with no way out…. I’ve become calmer and focused and am living life again. God has even opened up other doors of opportunities for me – I can spend more time listening to him – and less time, agonizing over a life that hurts my spirit…

Even though I do believe in trying to make a marriage work, I do know now, when one is too toxic – and can hurt someone. God made us all and gave us the gift of life. We do not deserve to be stomped on, unappreciated and abused… He gave us this chance to live, learn and grow closer to him… Anything that gets in the way of that- is toxic…

Don’t ever beat yourself up for leaving a situation that rips your spirit apart or separates your love from God–because once you find yourself not wanting this life anymore – it is time to refocus, and remember who loves you the most…



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