Life on Pause: Peace is still hard to find on “pause”


Recovery. I wait for that… Even though you might have left a difficult situation, the memories, sounds and words are all still there. At one time, you allowed yourself to be vulnerable. You let yourself trust others. You opened yourself up. And then, you were stepped on, beat down and the life was almost sucked out of you…. But in the end – you escaped… Too bad the memories are still there.

You keep on living. You move forward. You allow yourself to be better. Be strong. Create new friendships and relationships. After awhile- you almost forget the pain….but then in its awful dreadful way- it brings you back in. Dreams haunt you at night. Memories from the past turn into nightmares at night. Certain sounds make you stand on edge… Certain looks or motions from others make you cautious. You have to learn to trust that not everybody is out to hurt you….

What’s the worst – is when people are nice to you and you question yourself…why? Or you worry – how long will it be until they hurt you too? It is so difficult to get comfortable, because you are waiting for that second shoe to drop…

After awhile, that second shoe doesn’t drop, but deep down- you still wonder about it. And you still keep waiting to see if you will get hurt…

Even though you are happy, feel safe and are at a nice “resting point” in life….you are still waiting…

When will the “waiting” ever end so that you can feel safe while on “pause?”



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