It’s been about a year and half now that I left a pretty difficult atmosphere. It didn’t start out all terrible, but through the years, the fog got thicker. I was told some pretty horrific things and got called some pretty nasty names… I was put down more than once. But I think one of the worst things I was told quite frequently, “You know, we’re going to Hell.”
I was told this by my spouse. He took it up on himself more than once to let me know that He and I were destined for Hell. He also told me that one day, someone would come to our door, and ask us if we were Christian. If we said yes, we would be shot in the head. He told me I would die for saying that I was Christian. If I denied Jesus – I would go to Hell.
I am not perfect. Yes, we had our daughter before marriage – but I didn’t want to marry just because we had a daughter. In my heart, I felt we hadn’t been together long enough. He believed since we both did this, we were both going to Hell and we would not be forgiven.
In my heart, I felt that I was not destined for Hell. When I told him so, he said, “Who are you to say you are going to Heaven? You don’t have that choice! You ARE going to Hell.” He also told me that “I better be prepared. Jesus is coming back.” He made the idea of Jesus coming back like something awful. I actually was kind of scared of Jesus for awhile because he made it sound like Jesus wanted to condem me. It has taken me some time to not think in such a way…He also made me feel bad for thinking that I had a chance to go to Heaven. He said I was thinking too highly of myself to believe that…. He would say, “We are all going to Hell.” It wasn’t until I had a pretty realistic dream about Jesus that my fears of him started to dissipate.
If you are reading this – I would like you to get one thing from it – Do not let anyone dictate you about religion and what you feel in your heart. Do not let anyone tell you that you are going to Hell. Personally – that is between you and God. Nobody has that right. And don’t let anyone allow you to fear what you believe in…. Such words and things can really damage you….
Always go by what you feel is right in your heart and your gut – that is usually the truth that is inside of you.