So, I am not crazy after-all. In fact, I am normal. And I am addressing the issues that I had faced… I am just a person experiencing the aftermath of being hurt…for so long.
Anyone who has been in my shoes can agree that our fears and feelings can sometimes make us feel quite crazy. Not remembering so many years of my life – that has scared me so much. I have snapshots of certain periods, but there are literally years of my life that have disappeared… I was told today that those years are not lost though – they are there…but as a protective mechanism- my brain has chosen to shut those off…..It still baffles me that periods of my life are for now…”in the dark.”
It could be a good or bad thing should my brain ever choose to remember those times… It still bothers me that I don’t remember -I mean… this is my life – I want to know what happened…
Things that I personally put together myself in the past- I remember those things….especially important events – say – my daughter’s 11th birthday – she was 11 on 11/11/2011 – …. I had the local news come interview her as well as a local newspaper…… She loved every minute of it..It was her Golden Birthday…..I DO remember that. And OBVIOUSLY – I remember her birth….
My memory didn’t start lapsing until sometime around 2008 or 2009?… I remember moving into our home (at the time) around 2007. I sort of remember 2008 and 2009 gets fuzzy – except for when I sprained my ankle and had a horrible kidney infection. 2009-2013…those years are touch and go for me…. And I can’t explain why I have forgotten so much. My current counselor tells me it is my brain’s way of protecting me from whatever trauma that I might have experienced….I have to be honest and still say it bothers me that there are parts of my life that are gone.
As I tell my counselor this – she tells me that I am completely normal. My spouse made me feel awful for forgetting things. He told me it was that I didn’t listen good enough. And I know I am a great listener. Many people come to me with their troubles quite often because they know I will listen….
It is good to hear that I am not crazy…. I know I am a bit weird -as others have told me. But I am normal… I am just like any other human – experiencing the trials of life.
Ariana R. Cherry: Poet & Artist 