This is going to be somewhat of nerve-wracking week for me. I have plenty to keep me busy leading up to the “blessed” event. I’ll be working, covering meetings for the newspaper that I write for and attending the first class for a new bible study… Should be plenty to keep my mind off the stressful event.
In about 4 days, after filing lots of legal paperwork, I will be standing in front of a judge to see if I will be granted the divorce I filed almost a year ago. I have been told that it may not be granted on the first hearing – and that I may have to go back…. I will carefully keep that in mind, so that there won’t be any disappointment on my end.
I have never been in a courtroom. I’ve seen plenty on television – but as we all know – that is always different. I also will be standing next to someone who verbally and emotionally hurt me for years. I am quite nervous about that too. It is just hard to be in the same physical space with him anymore….. Yet it is also sad to believe that he was the same person I said vows to over 10 years ago. It leads to a lot of mixed emotions.
My fears that I have about this hearing include anything from not having all of the correct paperwork filed (there were so many forms!) or there being a disagreement which requires us coming back or getting laywers. The cost of a lawyer was just outrageous and I didn’t want to go into debt for this – so I filed all on my own… Now I understand why they are paid so much…
Family, friends and my daughter will be there…. In-laws will be there too, so I have heard… I was hoping for something with less drama, but when situations such as these occur – I guess it is hard to avoid drama.
I am scared to stand there in front of that judge. I am not sure what he will ask or what he will say. The unknown is always a little frightening….
….Once this does get granted, it will officially be the end of a chapter in my life… A chapter that had so many lessons and emotions – and hopefully it will end with healing at some point. While it was indeed a very trying time in my life that felt like a roller-coaster, I have to be honest and say – it will be somewhat sad too. It is the end of something I tried to build and work very hard at keeping together. But the forces of darkness and negativity ripped it apart, and it still feels like a lost battle at times.
Once all has been signed, said and done – the only thing I can do is to keep moving forward and allow this chapter to be a lesson learned. I must never allow my soul to be beaten down again…