Life on Pause: Hidden Memories

LifeOnPausecover

Facebook history can sometimes be fun, useful and nice to look back on… Then there are other times, it makes things…kind of difficult- especially if your life really took some different turns in the last few years…

Before you read on, (and if you haven’t already been keeping up with my “Life on Pause” series), you might need to know a few things….. #1. I have PTSD and #2…some issues with Dissociative Amnesia which have both been diagnosed by my counselor. I had endured emotional and verbal abuse for a number of years, and now – I am left with the “after-thoughts…” Fun stuff.

So – now with that explanation taken care of, I’ll continue on. Facebook history. With my ongoing issues with dissociative amnesia, it can screw with me… A photo of me pops up from say – 4 years ago… I have no recollection. And it is so frustrating. To me-it feels like it was somebody else- another person. And I realize how crazy it sounds. All I know is that -in the photo – I look tired and I look old.

Very gradually, bits and pieces of memories are trying to work their way in…I’ve read and learned that when a person has been through trauma, the memories are still there- they are just deeply buried. Sometimes they come back – sometimes they don’t….. But I can’t shake the feeling, that several old photos of myself feel like someone else…And it makes me feel incredibly crazy. But my counselor tells me….It is normal…..okay-I guess I’ll take her word for it.

I often feel that I should stop clicking on Facebook history when it pops up- because of instances such as these. When I don’t remember something – it disturbs me for days. It reminds me of everything I went through. So I try to remember- how far I have come too. I don’t feel tired anymore. I love the things in my life now. All I want – is to heal completely and to stop feeling like I am crazy in these type of moments….

All I want….are good memories….

 

Published by Ariana R. Cherry

“Within the depths of our mind, we are battling the duel of light and darkness…good and evil…love and hate…” Between Light and Darkness is Ariana’s most recent collection of poetry… Cherry’s frequent message she delivers throughout her work is, “The journey through the darkness, back into the light.” Her hope is to let others know that they won’t be in that place of darkness for long – that they indeed can reach the light once again…She also wants her readers to know – that – it is okay if they find themselves in that bleak blackness…Sometimes we feel guilty for going to that dark place – but it is necessary to conquer the demons that battle our souls…. Other books that Cherry has written include "Only If" and "Twisted Paths Poetry." Her epic tale, “Only If,” won the “Reader’s Favorite Award” and a 5 star review…and her collection, “Twisted Paths Poetry,” received a 5 star review from Realistic Poetry International. She has been writing ever since she was a child. Some of her inspirations include Edgar Allen Poe, Robert Frost, Stephen King, Emily Dickinson, Christopher Pike and Shel Silverstein. Ariana writes a variety of genres: inspirational, humorous and horror – although writing horror is one of her favorites…. She was 12 years old when she read Poe for the very first time – which inspired her epic poetry tale, “Only If.“ During other parts of her free time, she enjoys taking photos and creating art. Her “day-jobs” include working as a church administrative aide and reporting for a local newspaper.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: