Life on Pause: “THE STARE”


Have you ever had a point in your life where you have felt like you are wearing a shirt with a big red letter “A” on it  – similar to the character from the book, “The Scarlet Letter?”

Well – I have had plenty of opportunities to feel such a way – and – you know, I shouldn’t be feeling that waybut there are people who stare so hard into your soul, it is like they are trying to kill you from the inside out.

It is difficult to live in a small town- everyone seems to think they know everyone’s business. The thing is – they don’t. Some may base their knowledge on what they have heard through gossip and rumors….. And immediately make assumptions – without even knowing the truth first or the other person’s side of the story…

Now – they all say – you shouldn’t care what other people think…And they are right – but if people are saying untrue things about you or about something that is very personal to you – it hurts.

I have spent a good amount of time trying to overcome so much negativity that I have been exposed to for many years… And when I finally start to feel I am in somewhat of a good spot – I still get the “evil eye” from people in my own community…

It has taken so much time to try to overcome guilt – that I shouldn’t haven’t even been feeling in the first place. I made a decision to do what was best for me – my emotions and my mind…not to mention – my personal and spiritual growth. I was literally falling apart inside… I had been hurting for so many years….

And while that is my story – there still seem to be people who don’t care…. In my own personal community where I reside- I can walk into a restaurant or place of business and get stared down until I am forced to leave. It makes me feel incredibly miserable inside – Like I am some sort of a monster.

I am just a human being. I am just a human being trying to live life, learn and help others- just like everyone else….I wish those that judge or who listen to gossip would stop and think about their actions – And how they would feel if such were done to them….

I honestly try to move on from such a thing when I get these evil glares- or hear of people talking...But I have to admit – it hurts….especially when I am trying to feel good about a decision that I felt was right for myself… One of the least times in my life when I decided to be selfish for my own protection…

I shouldn’t have to pay the price for wanting to feel safe.

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