The Why Me Mentality


….I am not a person who likes to give in…and finally ask (or whine) “Why me?”….For me to do so – I have to be in a lot of pain…or extremely frustrated.  If my situation doesn’t seem to be going well – I try to remember – there is always somebody who could be hurting much worse than me or in a less desirable situation….But – sometimes – having that strength can be really hard to keep going….Sometimes, I too fall….and have to ask that big guy upstairs….”Why me?!”

I’ve been dealing with yet another health issue (on top of the ones I already deal with: IBS, Diverticulitis, Asthma, Diabetes and PTSD)… Thankfully – most of those are being controlled and I don’t experience a lot of issues with them….I have an occasional flair up with IBS and Diverticulitis and my Diabetes is presently controlled… After a couple years of counseling, I understand PTSD – and that too – has become better managed and I understand triggers….

Now, I deal with something else….(which I may have already mentioned)…Interstitial Cystitis. It is basically an irritated lining of your bladder which can feel like a really awful bladder infection if left untreated. You have to avoid acidic foods  and drinks … I have only been able to drink water, milk and blueberry smoothies…and an occasional decaffeinated peppermint or vanilla flavored tea, etc… I even had to give up chocolate.. (so hard to do!)… But I had been doing well. I’ve been receiving treatments and also was given a medication…. until…just a couple days ago…

I got so tired of drinking water, milk…and even my smoothies….I really craved some sparkling water.. (which was carbonated)… well… yes – I was weak…and I  had a small can and now I regret every moment of it….I only had a small amount of pain…. and I thought that was it… Well – I also was stressing over a few other things in my life. And – I found out that carbonated water and stress…did not like my bladder. So I awoke this morning (Friday) in agonizing burning horrendous pain…. I had plans to go swimming today… to enjoy the weather outdoors. All of that changed the moment I opened my eyes. So, I lay in bed most of the morning, contemplating if things were important enough to get out bed because it hurt too bad to walk…And in that moment, I had to ask…”Why me?”

I understand everyone has things they go through in life, but in my weakest moments, I have to wonder and ask – ‘Why do I have to endure this pain? Haven’t I been through enough?!.”… And it is so easy to wonder if you are being punished… But I have to remember – we do have a loving God – and so surely – he does not want me- (or anyone else) to hurt…. But I have to wonder… What is the meaning of all this when you look at the larger picture? (And then I tell myself – “Buck up! …there are people with cancer, fibromyalgia, lupus and so many other worse things.”  And then I also say – I am also alive! …. even through gritted teeth, I must be thankful for the things right in front of me….

As my day continues, I get out of bed finally… get dressed, and move to the couch, where I stay most of the afternoon… But I did get out of bed…And by evening, I felt okay enough to go out to eat with my bf to somewhere that cooked some delicious home-cooked food – had nice waitresses and it was a quiet family restaurant…. That did feel good after being in pain all day…

And by evening, some pain still lingers, and I only pray that I will feel good enough to rise in the morning to face my day… I am determined not to allow such things to get me down… I may ask and retaliate–and whine…”WHY ME?!”…and have my weaker moments…And I may not understand the larger picture right now. But one day – maybe I will….. I feel like my entire lifetime has been one huge test of how much pain can I actually endure? ….but I continue my fight to stay positive and remember – there are so many others out there who are hurting…. and I am no more important than they are…


Published by Ariana R. Cherry

“Within the depths of our mind, we are battling the duel of light and darkness…good and evil…love and hate…” Between Light and Darkness is Ariana’s most recent collection of poetry… Cherry’s frequent message she delivers throughout her work is, “The journey through the darkness, back into the light.” Her hope is to let others know that they won’t be in that place of darkness for long – that they indeed can reach the light once again…She also wants her readers to know – that – it is okay if they find themselves in that bleak blackness…Sometimes we feel guilty for going to that dark place – but it is necessary to conquer the demons that battle our souls…. Other books that Cherry has written include "Only If" and "Twisted Paths Poetry." Her epic tale, “Only If,” won the “Reader’s Favorite Award” and a 5 star review…and her collection, “Twisted Paths Poetry,” received a 5 star review from Realistic Poetry International. She has been writing ever since she was a child. Some of her inspirations include Edgar Allen Poe, Robert Frost, Stephen King, Emily Dickinson, Christopher Pike and Shel Silverstein. Ariana writes a variety of genres: inspirational, humorous and horror – although writing horror is one of her favorites…. She was 12 years old when she read Poe for the very first time – which inspired her epic poetry tale, “Only If.“ During other parts of her free time, she enjoys taking photos and creating art. Her “day-jobs” include working as a church administrative aide and reporting for a local newspaper.

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