Life on Pause:Religion: Christianity & spirtuality …confusion in my life


Religion seems to be such a large part of who we are in life… It is a tradition passed on to us through our family and something we grow up learning about. We attend church services based on what religion we identify with. And if we are lucky, we continue following in those same footsteps, carrying on the tradition, because it is what we know…And many go on this way – because it is what they know – and no questions are asked…

Me on the other hand, am quite a curious person. I like to ask questions – and I am a bit of a stubborn rebel. I like to question…”why?” on many things. And as I grow older, I only grow more confused about religion.

I have identified as a Presbyterian for many years of my life… It is the church where I began attending kid’s club, Sunday schoool and then , eventually church – and then joined the church with my parents and brother… But as I became a teenager, it was then, I became interested in other aspects of religion…. One being spirituality – although, I kept this closed and secret for years – only studying it when I was alone and not speaking about it with many people – maybe only a few close friends if that.

I am drawn in two directions – I am drawn to Christianity – and to Spirituality and I am quite confused about my religious identity. I belive in God. I know he loves us. He created us. He wants us to turn to him when we need him…

But when I hear.. “Worship God,”  – that is where I grow a bit stubborn. God created us as his children – so I question…. “Why does he want us to worship him?” ….He only wants us to love him. Why must we worship someone to be “saved” or to be identified as a Christian? And I also believe that you can talk to God anywhere… not just in a church. A church is a building built by man. Honestly, I feel closer to God when I am with nature – outside or in the woods or alone on a walk… I feel closer to Him when I am on my own within the trees, by the water or just in nature itself… I think that is where my “spirituality” comes in… Although – I don’t pray to a “Moon-Goddess” or “Sun-Goddess” or anything like that… I just feel that nature is my “church.”

I also have an interest in mediums. They fascinate me. I know that there is an afterlife. I’ve read books by James Van Praagh, Theresa Caputo, John Holland and John Edward. I’ve watched shows with Theresa Caputo, James Van Praagh and most recently, Monica the Medium who is a young 20some medium. Now in Christianity – they tell you not to believe in such things…. But it really fascinates me…. I’ve had a few experiences in my life that have led me to believe in such things… And – in my heart, I don’t feel like I am going to “Hell ” for believing in these things either…

As I research more and find myself in the middle of these two spots in my life, I just find it difficult to really give myself a so -called “Religious title” or what I identify with. And honestly – I don’t know why we all need a “title.” God made us all his children. Jesus didn’t separate us into different religions. And in the after-life, I don’t think there will be special places for “Presbyterians,” “Catholics,” “Buddhists,” or “Methodists,” etc….

Honestly, in the end, what I believe will unite us all, is Love. God teaches us love. He wants us to love Him as He loves us….. I just don’t think we need to worship anything …. We need to love and take care of the life he has given us and care for the lives he has put in our life…. And also – we need to care for this world in which we live.

Perhaps at one point, I may come to terms to where I stand religiously, but for now, I can say that I do love others and try to treat others as I would like them to treat me… I just don’t want to be held down on rules and someone tell me that I am supposed to belive in this – or not belive in that….. I just don’t want to be ruled…. I guess you can say I am more of a free-thinker  ….. I don’t want anyone telling me how or what I should think… I only believe what is true in my heart… I just am still on a path where I am searching… and would rather not be swayed by anyone on how I should think until I know that I have found the right path….



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